Thursday, April 30, 2009
Wednesday, April 29, 2009
Friday, April 24, 2009
I finally got to see my physical therapist yesterday so she could work on my neck issues, and she kindly looked at my shoulder. Apparently, I strained it somehow (glad to know I didn't tear a muscle). I've got some exercises to do, and I'm hoping that it starts getting better soon.
I'm wondering if my arm got pulled up or bent funny while I was being operated on? It just doesn't make sense that it should be hurting so much.
Maybe I'm spending too much time on the computer?? (that couldn't possibly be it!! ;)
God, thank you for your covering grace and my amazingly speedy recovery from surgery! Please help my insides heal quickly.
God, you are amazing! Thank you for my beautiful family and sweet girls. Please bless my creativity, fill me with your ability to creatively develop solutions to problems.
Please help me love you with all my heart, soul, mind and strength.
Wednesday, April 22, 2009
Country & Folk:
Amazing Grace, Blessed Assurance, The Old Rugged Cross, How Great Thou Art, There is a Name I Love To Hear, Just As I Am, Tell Me The Old Old Story, A Mighty Fortress is Our God, Alas and Did My Savior Bleed, Take My Life, Teach Me Thy Way
Sound of Music (Beth & I had this on a record, and we played it over & over & over)
An American in Paris
Kiss Me, Kate
I will never forget the first rock song I heard... I lived in Riverside CA and was in 6th grade. Beth and I played with the girl down the street from us. She was in 7th and never went anywhere without her radio. She played some pop music, I'm sure, but the only song that stuck with me- the only song that got to me enough to make me want to hear more was 'The Eye of the Tiger' by Survivor... It was released in '82 as the theme song of the movie Rocky III, so I must have heard it right before we moved to Kotzebue, AK.
I LOVED the song. It was the first pop rock song I really heard. After that I wanted to listen to more and more. I started making my own tapes off the radio so I could hear the songs I really liked over and over. I've still got those old, old mix tapes I made in the mid 80's somewhere...
I listened to 80's music in my teens, but I pretty much missed all the 70's music 'cuz my parents dwelled in the classical/folk/hymn realm. The only way I could have heard pop music was from friends... I've picked up some 70's music on my own as I listened to the radio and searched out stuff, but mostly I missed out.
I am glad for the solid grounding in quality music my parents gave me... I probably wouldn't have survived my 2 1/2 years as a music major without my parents' love of music. I wish they'd put me through the piano lessons so many of my friends complained about... Although, as soon as I mentioned interest in an instrument I got my clarinet, which I loved.
Anyway, I am still fond of 'The Eye of the Tiger', so in that spirit, I offer a recording for your listening pleasure.
Survivor - Eye Of The Tiger Lyrics
Risin' up, back on the street
Did my time, took my chances
Went the distance, now I'm back on my feet
Just a man and his will to survive
So many times, it happens too fast
You trade your passion for glory
Don't lose your grip on the dreams of the past
You must fight just to keep them alive
[Chorus:] It's the eye of the tiger, it's the thrill of the fight
Rising up to the challenge of our rival
And the last known survivor stalks his prey in the night
And he's watching us all with the eye of the tiger
Face to face, out in the heat
Hangin' tough, stayin' hungry
They stack the odds, 'till we take to the street
For we kill with the skill to survive
Risin' up, straight to the top
Had the guts, got the glory
Went the distance, now I'm not gonna stop
Just a man and his will to survive
The eye of the tiger
[Repeats to fade out]
B - Bed size: Big!
C - Chore you hate: dishes, cleaning the bathroom, vaccuuming (sets off my asthma BAD & I like breathing...)
D - Dog's name: if we get one, I'm sure the girls would name her Princess
E - Essential start your day item: Diet Coke
F - Favorite color: Green
G - Gold or Silver: gold
H - Height: 5'6"
I - Instruments you play: djembe, clarinet, a little guitar
J - Job title: Mama, Jewelry Designer
K - Kid(s): 2 girls
L - Living arrangements: my mom's house, with my husband and my 2 girls, and my sister downstairs.
M - Mom's name: Dixie
N - Nicknames: Becca
O - Overnight hospital stay other than birth: '95- appendicitis; '98- endometrial cyst rupture; '03- Deborah's birth; '05- Abigail's birth; '08- back surgery; '09- endometrial cysts
P - Pet Peeves: slow lazy driving; rudeness to service people (waitstaff, checkout attendants, receptionists, etc.)
Q - Quote from a movie/tv show: Shiny! (from Serenity)
R - Right or left handed: right
S - Siblings: 1 younger sister, 1 older half-sister
T - Time you wake up: 8-9 am
U - Underwear: only my husband knows!
V - Vegetables you dislike: Lima beans, overcooked peas
W - Ways you run late: how shall I count the ways? oversleeping, trying to do too much, getting distracted, thinking I have more time than I do, Deborah arguing, Abigail's clothes...
X - X-rays you've had: so many...
Y - Yummy food you make: mexican lasagna
Z - Zoo favorite: nocturnal animal house
And I'm trying to decide what on earth I should be doing with myself...
Beth and I bought wood to paint a sign for our tent. We've never had an official business sign, even though we've done a summer and a half of FM!
So, we've got the wood, and I just need to prime it. But when I went out to the garage to get the paint I discovered all our buckets of paint froze this winter. They're completely ruined. Before the fun painting I've got to do at least 2 coats of shell white, and we're stuck till pay-day for that. As soon as we've got the primer, we'll start work on the sign. I should be painting on our sign!
I need to take pictures of all the new stuff so I have a record of it. When I keep photos of each piece as it leaves I have the idea and can work off it in the future. If it's gone with record, sometimes I end up reinventing the wheel. So I should be taking pictures...
I've been working on some new button jewelry- I'm pleased with it, and I have enough to start the summer. We'll see.
I'm well stocked with everything else because I've worked consistently 5-6 nights a week. YAY me! I have necklaces, bracelets, earrings- all ready to go. Except they're not tagged! Arrgh. So, I should be tagging the new things...
I'm feeling pressure to work with my wire and create some new things that have been percolating in my head- some wire decorative type things, and some new wire jewelry styles. Beth bought me a FANTASTIC book of wire jewelry for Christmas- excellent designs that work well with what I'm already doing, and I haven't worked on that... So I should be experimenting with some of the new ideas...
What have I been doing?
I've re-discovered a love of collage, image and decoupage work. During our second year of marriage in Seattle, I made Christmas presents for all my family from images, words and decoupage. I LOVED it. I was truly surprised at how much I enjoyed it that November. (Jake wasn't) And I haven't touched it since then. (moving, babies, toddlers, church job, jewelry...) Recently, I got re-inspired to try some because of several friends from Company: Marty & Sarah Gordan are both brilliant collage artists, and Jenny (Jones) Boyd makes unique paper art creations.
So, I'm making something right now. Nothing on their level, mind you! But I'm having fun. And if all goes well, and I enjoy it enough, and if the result is attractive enough, I might try to sell some at Farmer's Market. We'll see!
Here's my project- the clipboard I take to the grocery store.
It is UNFINISHED. No worries. It's not done, and I know it's not done. I'm working on the back, and since this is my first object attempt I'm going slow. Honestly, this is probably NOT what I should be spending time on right now. But it's where I'm focused. And I'm having a lot of fun!
Monday, April 20, 2009
Movie Quote from the Matrix: “The Matrix is a system, Neo. That system is our enemy. But when you're inside, you look around, what do you see? Businessmen, teachers, lawyers, carpenters. The very minds of the people we are trying to save. You have to understand, most of these people are not ready to be unplugged. And many of them are so inured, so hopelessly dependent on the system, that they will fight to protect it.”
There are two equal and opposite errors into which our race can fall about the devils. One is to disbelieve in their existence. The other is to believe, and to feel an excessive and unhealthy interest in them. They themselves [i.e., the demons] are equally pleased by both errors, and hail a materialist or a magician with the same delight" CS LEWIS
Satan has a plan.
He wants to chain you to a defeated lifestyle.
He wants to escort you to an early grave.
He wants to distract you from your mission.
He wants to corrupt the blessing of a holy life.
He’s determined to fill your life with self-doubt and shame.
He wants to curse your future children.
He wants to cloud your vision.
He wants to convince you that you don’t deserve God’s plan for you.
He wants you strapped with addiction.
He wants to immobilize you.
He wants to offer you cheap thrills in exchange for your eternal passion.
He wants to keep you hopeless, helpless, and violated.
He wants to make you a stumbling block.
He knows that people who live a passionate Christian life are a direct threat to his mission.
He trembles to think of a generation of pure prayer warriors storming the gates of his kingdom.
flesh is our great superpower adversary-used by satan- caused by the fall.
flesh seeks to seduce us into doing things that will kill the pain and fill the void.
Flesh is the producer of those private, personal "tv commercials" that will play until you buy into the temptation. commericals include flashbacks of feeling good in the flesh, remembrances of times when flesh saved the day, and emotionally charged reasons you deserve to feel good momentarily. (all lies ofcourse...flesh is the original sick freak)
flesh will tell any lie to feed itself.
flesh is amoral- in other words, it doesn't understand the concept of moral reasoning. it doesn't understand faith, it doesn't understand God. That's why it's so dang hard and/or miserable to be a fleshy disciple.
All flesh knows is that it wants to use drugs, sex, food, accomplishments, selfrighteousness, money, angry outbursts, and entertainment as pain killing and feel better stuff.
Usually things that make us feel better have some use in the proper context: food is necessary, sex causes procreation, drugs can sometimes heal, and accomplishments- well- they accomplish. But alas, once flesh learns about how chemicals and experiences can push the feel-good buttons in the brain, it is incapable of seeing why we shouldn't just push those buttons all of the time.
Flesh will carry on a conversation throughout the day as you go to lunch, as you watch tv, as you stand before powerful minds and speak, as you drive down the road. "If only we could shut flesh up!"
Fortunately we have a Brother who has the power to shut that son of a gun up. That's not to say that flesh goes away when we walk the "cross road." It simply means that we have hope.
EPH 4:26-27"In your anger do not sin”: Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry, and do not give the devil a foothold.
•Why do we gossip? (I want to feel better about myself) Pride- it’s demonic
•Why do we rage? (I have a need to retaliate against people) Pride- it’s demonic
•Why do we get mixed up in inappropriate relationships? (My appropriate relationships are not enough for me.) Pride- it’s demonic
•Why is pornography so powerful? (I shouldn’t be tethered to realistic, God-approved sexual experiences) Pride- it’s demonic
•Why do we get so pharisaical? (We want to lift ourselves above others) Pride- it’s demonic
If only we could see with our spiritual eyes
The plan, the warfare, the intentional lies
The souls that are falling into the pit of despair
The catastrophes hidden, the unseen stair
The battle lines are drawn
Satan’s purpose is sure
Motives deceitful, dark and impure
It whispers, and pulls us
He plans our demise
He’s the craftsman of death
The father of lies
If only we could see with more spiritual eyes.
Sunday, April 19, 2009
Since about last June I haven't been able to walk without pain. Sometimes severe, and sometimes I couldn't move my right leg without really fighting it.
They cynovial cyst in my back was blocking my spinal cord and my ability to move my legs correctly, and it cause a LOT of pain.
Plus, the endometrial cysts caused a lot of pain in my tummy.
Over the last year I've gained 15-20 pounds because I hurt. I couldn't walk, and the stress of the pain and all the ridiculousness in our house has caused me to eat in a way I normally don't. I've gained a crazy amount of weight in one year and I'm ready for it to be gone. I'm ready to do the work it will take to get it gone.
Thank you, God for my back surgery. I was so scared about it, and the cyst, but you took care of it. And now I can walk again! Thank you for a good surgeon, and an amazing recovery. Thank you for the surgery to remove my ovarian cysts, and the pain that is going away. Thank you for a good Ob/Gyn doctor. Please help me lose this weight and feel better and be healthy!
Last night I dreamed my grandparents (both of them are now deceased) put a new shower in a house I've never been in, and then kept coming in to check on me while I was showering. And I ran out of shampoo, and soap. Just weird.
I'm also wondering if I will look back on this week of blog entries and think that perhaps I shouldn't be blogging on Percocet...
Beth took me to JoAnn's & Walmart last night (I'm not allowed to drive). I needed some items for a project I'm working on for the girls and it took me forever to make decisions. I'm already a bit indecisive, and on Percocet it takes me much longer. She got very annoyed at me.
I tried to do a day without Percocet and ended up sick my tummy hurt so much.
I'm ready to be normal and move on with life after surgery!
I hate taking medicine. Especially medicine that makes it hard for me to think.
Saturday, April 18, 2009
My children are driving me crazy!
Why, oh why, do they feel a need to draw and color on things that are not used for art???!
The two of them have colored on the wall, on the floor, on bookshelves, on the toilet seat, on my mom's table, on the couch, on the curtains in the living room...
You name it, they've probably drawn on it.
And I've punished them, done time outs, made them clean it up, etc and they STILL do it!!
I don't understand why they KEEP on doing it, when my mom gets so mad, and I get upset, and they have to clean it up.
What is it that drives them to continue???
We've got princesses on the stair wall going down to the front door, pencil and pen scribbles on the table, brown lines around the bathroom, white and red lines on the bookshelves...
Lots of nasty pain in my belly.
I got chewed out by my family members for doing too much yesterday, and they are right!
I took Luna to the vet, and carried her in her cat carrier. Which was definitely too heavy- it's not that Luna's heavy, 'cuz she's not. It's that Luna in her cat carrier is at a very difficult angle and made my tummy hurt.
Then I went to the grocery store and shopped. I pushed around a cart and kept filling it up with stuff. It wasn't until I was almost done that I realized the stupid cart had gotten too heavy for me.
Then I went home and made dinner. Which wouldn't have been bad if it had been all I did...
But I had surgery one week ago. Seven days. And they cut open my belly and told me not to carry anything around or do strenuous activity for a while. I suspect seven days wasn't what they meant when they said I could get back to normal activities soon...
The vet told me this is not unusual for cats- they are apparently rather stoic. Or else it's the adrenalin rush from the terror of the car trip and vet building.
Anyway, her left elbow was a little sore when touched, but other than that she has nothing visibly wrong, and her muscles and tendons were in good working order.
So the vet sent me home with a prescription for a pain reliever and anti-inflammatory, kind of like ibuprofen for kitties.
And the bill was not as large as I was afraid it would be, although it was more than I would have hoped...
Thursday, April 16, 2009
Wednesday, April 15, 2009
Anyway, on to the story.
Jake normally gets picked up from work around five o'clock.
On Saturday, Beth had an appointment so he ended up waiting for her for more than half an hour. It was around 40 degrees, so not too bad.
A guy walked by Jake taking his dog for a walk, so a couple dogs in a truck started barking at the dog. Then one of the dogs in the truck started howling. It was time for their person to be out of work! Then the other dog in the same truck started howling, too. Then the first dog moved their paws to the wheel of the truck to get a better howling position. And they planted their paws on the car horn.
For more than five minutes Jake was seranaded by two howling dogs and a constant car horn. What bliss! He ended up with a headache.
It got to the point where I was afraid I was gonna lose something important, like my stomach, or my lungs...
The brand name my doctor sent to the pharmacy was 'GoLytely'. Isn't that the most incredibly name? It should be 'GoForever', or 'GoHeavy' or 'Gotillyouseeyourlungs'.
Now it's kind of a joke at my house. 'Hey, see you in a bit, I've got to go lightly.'
It went AMAZINGLY well! Thank you for your prayers!
I'm still tired all the time, and not up to much, but I didn't have the horrible reaction to anasthesia that I've had in the past. The anasthesiologist used a patch behind my ear that prevented all the general nastiness I've had before. YAY!
They found 4 cysts in & on my left ovary, and one very large cyst on the right. My doc actually turned the left one inside out to get everything. Isn't that crazy... I had some other nastiness that she cleaned out, but the cysts were the big news. I kept telling me that my left side hurt the worst, but when I had the ultrasound the right side looked the worst.
I'm in quite a bit of pain if I forget to take my medications, but Jake is helping me remember. ;)
Please continue to pray that I recover well. Also, turns out I am severely anemic- please pray that gets turned around. If I take iron I have some rather nasty reactions, so I have to go slow. I'm taking iron every three days, and eating quite a bit of beef. (which is bad for Jake 'cuz of his fatty liver disease... It's frustrating that what I need makes him sick. But it's fun that I should be eating big juicy hamburgers!)
Thursday, April 09, 2009
I still have a minor sore throat, but I'm at the point where I think it's spring allergies. It doesn't get worse, some days it's better...
I'm doing it. I'm getting it done.
Tuesday, April 07, 2009
So no surgery for me.
Yet again, it's been postponed. And I'm seriously annoyed.
But my doctor is right. She told me that since I've already got asthma (which makes me an at risk surgery patient) she did not want to mess around with something else making it difficult for me to breath.
So, it's been rescheduled for this Friday. The Friday right before Easter. Blech.
And I HURT! I'm so ready for this thing to just happen. I've never gone so enthusiastically into surgery...
Sunday, April 05, 2009
I hate dragging the girls to church by myself... I end up crabby and cantankerous. They spend the whole time whining about something (Gimme donuts, I don't want to go, stop brushing my hair, I hate these shoes, Daddy lets us play...), and I revert to "Mean Mommy". Which doesn't happen often, but when it does... Just walk away.
Oh, well. I took 'em. I needed to go, and so did they. We did it. We survived. They had fun.
I want a nap.
Friday, April 03, 2009
Throwing up. And throwing up and throwing up...
It's got to be some kind of food poisoning.
Deborah & I have a daughter date about 2x a month and on Wednesday we went to Fred Meyer and had a donut (hers) and a scone (mine). That's the only weird thing I ate on Wednesday. So that must be what it was...
I felt horrible yesterday. Jake ended up staying home to take care of the girls and me.
I stayed in bed most of the day and had crackers and chicken soup. The nastiest part was how much the vomiting caused my normal endo pain to double and triple... Oh yeah, there is a reason I'm supposed to have surgery next week... Poor tummy!
I'm still a little shaky and queazy today, but nothing like yesterday.
You know how bad it has to be for me to be praying that God would just let me throw up?
Yes, Mt. Redoubt is erupting, but it's 358 miles from Anchorage to Fairbanks, and then 113 more miles to the volcano. We're talking a LONG way away from where we are.
Here's a map of how far it is from Anchorage to Redoubt. (Remember it's 358 miles from Anchorage to me...):
It's April 3rd. It snowed yesterday, and the temperature is minus 6. I WANT Spring! I want birds, and butterflies and flowers, and GREEN!!!
I will NOT spend much time on this one. As a general rule, I do not like political opinion articles.
However, I am unsurprised to discover that there were naughty shenanigans during Ted Stevens trial. I am disappointed, but not surprised. Apparently, his defense lawyers had very important information hidden from them by the prosecuting lawyers. Information that pretty much clears him. He made a bad decision when he started getting involved with the oil company VECO, but he did not take the bribes he was accused of taking. And now the lawyers who hid the information are being examined. Too bad all this wasn't cleared up before the election...