Monday, April 28, 2008
Loved it. This is the 2nd time I've watched it, and it's still just as fun. I love fairy tales, grew up on 'em. I read all the color fairy tale books, (Lilac, Purple, Yellow, etc.), and LOVED them. And I love the idea of taking the fairy tale world and turning it on its' ear like this movie does so well..
I Am Legend
We actually watched this first and then I insisted on watching something else to make sure I was okay... 'Legend' was dark. Excellent as far as I was concerned, but very dark. I'm still processing this one, so I can't really comment on it. I can certainly see why it wasn't popular in the U.S. though. We're way too into our happy endings to be happy with this one..
We've talked about how our hearts get dirty and nasty with all the bad things that we do- lying, disobeying, taking things, hurting each other... And how we can never, ever clean the bad things off our heart. That the only way to get our heart clean is to ask Jesus to come into our lives and clean our heart. That Jesus died and when He died, He took all of our sins away. And that we only have to ask Him to clean our heart and He will, 'cuz He promised He would.
I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that she prayed this prayer tonight. No, she doesn't understand all of the ramifications and all the rest of what it entails. But she does understand the dirty heart/clean heart part. And she asked Jesus to come clean her heart and live with her forever... She does understand that He died for her, and that He loves her.
I've prayed this prayer with several people, mostly youth... I have to tell you as amazing as that is, it's not as amazing as praying it with your daughter.
Thank you Jesus for Your amazing mercy. And the graciousness with which You have bestowed this moment upon me. And that Jake got to listen on the monitor and hear our whole conversation...
Sunday, April 27, 2008
Saturday, April 26, 2008
He has a bone scan on Monday to see if the infection has gone into his bones.
God, I'm scared. Please take care of my husband. Please heal this infection and give him the strength to follow his doctor's advice even though it's hard....
Friday, April 25, 2008
Like most Americans we live paycheck to paycheck and we haven't had a real paycheck for almost a month now.
Please pray that we are wise with what we do have.
God help! Our money isn't going far. Please guide us and give us wisdom.
I know that when summer gets going (Farmer's Market opens, preschool ends, outdoor fun...) I'll be way too busy to all that much on-line.
I've got several games or applications on Facebook that I enjoy:
-I have a fighting bunny. Yes, this is weird. My favorite part of this game is choosing the weapons she carries into her battles. My girls love my bunny! ;) I've been slowly upgrading her weapons to achieve the perfect combo of stylishness and power. I love making sure she looks good while she's defeating other bunnies...
-I have a superhero. Yes, this is also weird. However, I LOVE the weapons I get to choose from on here- everything from Gleek (remember the Wonder Twins? Form of a bucket of water? Form of a yellow goldfish? Well, Gleek was their monkey sidekick.) to the Tardis from "Doctor Who" to a lightsaber... I have a specific goal in mind with this game: to become Wonder Woman! I've been slowly moving up the hero list- I started as the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, moved up to The Punisher and right now I'm Daredevil. I like the weapons, and I'll probably have fun with them, but right now I just want to be Wonder Woman! (a childhood fantasy soon to be realized) Which is kinda funny 'cuz we didn't have a tv during the time the show ran- I knew her from the carton 'Justice League'.
-I have a racing car. This one's silly and I probably won't miss it all that much this Summer, but it is fun to choose my perfect car.
-I have a virtual pet!!! I love this! I have a little long-haired orange Tabby named Marmalade. I can feed her, play with her and train her to do things- right now she can use the litter tray and a scratching post (wish my real cat would use one!).
-I've discovered & become addicted to a couple games. Text Twirl is the first: You're given 2 minutes and a set of letters that forms a word, and you're trying to figure out the word that uses all the letters while trying to find all the words that can be made out of that specific group of letters. I'm an addict. I'm also getting good at it. World Traveler IQ is the second: You're given the challenge of trying to find a bunch of places on a world map- the other variations include a North American Challenge, a European Challenge, a US Challenge, etc.. I'm surprised by all the places I know and all the places I don't! Beth & I took Geography together in college to fill up a requirement, and we both remember a lot. It's fun to try and pull stuff back from that long ago...
Anyway, I'm gonna enjoy the time I have on Facebook right now, 'cuz there's no way this new addiction can last at the level I'm maintaining right now. When I get going gung ho on my beading and am also chasing after 2 kids during the summer break I don't know when I'll be able to get on line.
The funniest thing to me right now is that my husband has a MySpace, My Yearbook and a Facebook account... He seems to go through interests like some people go through clothes. He lasts about 3 -6 months and then he's ready to do something else. I'm glad he doesn't feel that way about me!
Sunday, April 20, 2008
God, please let the snow melt!!!! I'm so ready for Spring! I want to play outside, and go biking, and plant flowers!
A jam session burst out- get a bunch of musicians in a room together with someone who has 4 or 5 guitars, a keyboard and a bass- guess what happens? Music!
The hardest thing about our church is the size- it is so big that it's hard to get to know people. I'm not picking on one person here. We all come in and go talk to the people we know. In fact, the church is so big that I don't even know who is a member and who is a first timer...
It was good to just spend some time with some of 'em in a non-church, non-responsibility type atmosphere.
I'm TERRIBLE at reaching out and trying to get to know people. Plus, the added weirdness of my age. I'm ANCIENT to have a 2 yr old and a 4 yr old. At least in Alaska. We've got a ton of military families, so half of the mommies are only 22... And the other half are 26 to 28. I'm 36. NOT ancient, but definitely older than the average mommy in my church. It can make it hard to connect with some of the other moms, and most of the career women have kids in their teens... So, I often end up feeling all out of place.
Wish I had a crowd I fit into! I never quite feel at home in churches. The artist thing, I guess...
Saturday, April 19, 2008
I try to bead at least an hour a day, and most days I bead two or three.
I actually find that by sitting down to this ritual- pulling out my bead, my tray, my tools- creating an atmosphere for creativity and doing it every day- I'm more creative.
It sounds mutually exclusive- ritual, routine & creativity- It sounds like keeping a routine and steady working time would make it more difficult to be creative. But it's not true.
By having a set time to bead I force myself to work past any questions: 'what should I do? what colors do I work with? what am I making?'. Then by working past them and saying that even if I'm not sure exactly what I'm doing or if I have clear plan, I force myself to create. If I just wait until I have that magical moment of inspiration I'd only make about 10-20 things a year... Certainly not enough to pay off my bead addiction...
Creating is the magic. And even after 6 years of beading and 3 or 4 of selling, I'm still having fun. And if I'm not having fun with this it's really not worth it, 'cuz I don't make that much!
The one thing about Fairbanks is that everybody does something to get through the winter. Even if you love skiing or dogmushing, there are times when it's too cold or the snow pack is too hard. So you've got to have something to do inside. Reading, beading, scrapbooking, cooking, watching movies, playing an instrument, doing community theatre... Everybody has something they use as an escape from the weather... So most people up here will either look at a piece and say 'that's amazing! I've never seen wirework like that!' or they'll say, 'I bet I could do that, but I know how much it would take, and I don't have that much time...'
Wednesday, April 16, 2008
I got my sleep all turned around over the weekend. Taking Jake to the ER totally messed me up. We were going at 2 am every night and then had to go back in at 9:30. This may not sound bad, but we weren't getting back home until 3:30 or so. And I don't just 'go to sleep' like a normal person. I seem to need some kind of very ordered ritual to get calm enough to make the move into dreamland.
Anyway, here I go, sliding back into my insomnia pattern... I sleep a bit during the day, which messed me up more. Then the next day I'm so bad off 'cuz I couldn't sleep that I have to take a nap, which means I can't go to sleep that night, but then I'm a mess....
Monday, April 14, 2008
Sunday, April 13, 2008
Saturday, April 12, 2008
Jake & I have spent a good portion of the last 24 hours in the ER because we now know what Cellulitis means. He has a nasty serious biological infection in his foot and it is FREAKY.
He stepped on something at work about a week ago, one of the security tags they attach to clothing. It was hardly anything. Like a pin prick.
Two days later, he thought he had Athlete's Foot so we picked up some stuff at Freddy's.
Two days after that we went to the doctor because his foot was swelling and turning red. The doctor told us that it was a bacterial infection and put Jake on Bactrim. The next day Jake woke up covered in a wicked rash and his foot was worse- We now know he has a severe allergy to Bactrim.
Jake saw the doctor again, got on a different antibiotic, and his foot still got worse.
By this time his ankle was swollen and the redness was creeping up his leg, and the original spot was turning kinda purple.
So we went to the ER. They gave us a handout on Cellulitis, and it's one nasty wicked infection. Cellulitis is an infection of the skin and underlying tissue caused by streptococcal or staphylococcal bacteria. It damages skin tissues, can cause abscesses and it spreads quickly. It can be life-threatening. In other words, if this thing doesn't start getting better Jake could die from stepping on a Security tag...
We've had to go back to the ER every 7 hours for them to inject a serious antibiotic into an IV... We're gonna have to keep going back every 7 hours for the next 3 to 4 days. So, we're not sleeping so much.
He still really shouldn't be driving, so he can't go alone. My mom's watching the girls and they are kinda pathetic.
If his foot doesn't look better tonight when we go in another hour they're going to admit him. It would almost be easier than the repeat visits!
Jake's all calm about this and I'm freaking out! This thing is really quite frightening to me. I don't want him to lose his foot. I don't want him to die. They are being aggressive at the ER, so I know he's in good hands. And God's in control, but that doesn't mean something I don't want to happen won't happen.
Please God, watch over Jake. Heal his body. Give the doctors wisdom. Keep him safe.
Friday, April 11, 2008
Thursday, April 10, 2008
Wednesday, April 09, 2008
When Jake & I started our relationship I warned him that it was unlikely I’d be able to have children. I’d dealt with it to a certain extent- still angry, but it seemed like something unlikely to change. We decided that after 2 or 4 years we’d try for a baby and then probably adopt. My Jake is an absolutely beautiful man- I think he was more interested in just having me, and he really GETS this: that when you love & marry someone, you love & marry their issues and health problems. He gets this way better than me...
Two years into our marriage I started feeling lousy- foods I loved tasted WRONG, and I was throwing up every morning. Really and truly I couldn’t imagine that I was pregnant. Finally, Jake & I bought a pregnancy test and were both rather shocked. I was pregnant! Me, the one who could not get pregnant, was pregnant.
I had already found a great OB in Seattle ‘cuz of my endo. So he guided us through the next few months. I had a rough pregnancy, was put on bed rest for about two months and finally gave birth to a purple 7 lb. baby girl, our beautiful and crazy Deborah. Honestly, it is not over-exaggerating to say I almost died during this time- I went into toxemia during the last two months of pregnancy and didn’t come out after Deborah was born. It took about 6 months for my blood pressure to come back down... My blood pressure was so high that I was seeing dark spots and actually had three numbers for a while- not just 190 over 90 - I had 190 over 90 over 87... This is BAD. I ended up back in the hospital, and then back in the hospital again...
Major decisions had to be made quickly, ‘cuz some kind of weird miscommunication happened with the school I taught at- they thought I’d decided not to come back and I thought they were holding my job. No job for me meant Jake had to get a better paying position and we ended up deciding to come up to live with my parents in Alaska while Jake went to college. He LOVED it and did fantastically well until I got pregnant again.
I was really sick again, although not on bed rest and the Abigail was born right as he started his fifth semester. Now the crazy thing about baby Abigail was that she seemed to need NO sleep at all. She’d catch these teeny 2 hour naps and be raring to go... Jake ended up dropping out of school and working for our church largely based on sheer lack of sleep and the craziness of our schedule.
It honestly wasn’t until Abigail was a year old and Deborah was 2 years old that I realized the gift God had given me. Don’t get me wrong. I recognized how beautiful my girls were and the miracle of their life. But somehow it wasn’t until they were old enough for me to get some sleep that I realized how angry and bitter I had been with God over the loss of my dream children.
It took 3 years of their being alive for me to come to grips with how this bitterness had affected my outlook on life. I had still taken pleasure in life. I had still worked for God and DELIGHTED in that work. I still had loved my husband, teaching and ministry, but this bitterness had weighed on me. It affected my trust in God, and my belief in His goodness.
What an amazing relief it was to finally ask Him for forgiveness and understand that He was in control- that He still makes miracles- that I should have trusted Him to know what was best- even if that meant adopting.
Tuesday, April 08, 2008
Sunday, April 06, 2008
I created a LOLcat for http://www.icanhascheezburger.com/ !
Which does not mean it will definitely be posted in their seriously LONG list of funny pics, but it does mean it could be posted in their seriously LONG list of funny pics.
Tee-hee! I feel special. ;)
Isn't my Luna cat beautiful?
In his delightful book The Dance of Hope, my friend Bill Frey tells of a blind student named John, whom he tutored at the University of Colorado in 1951. One day Bill asked John how he had become blind. The sightless student described an accident that had happened in his teenage years. The tragedy took not just the boy's sight but also his hope. He told Bill, "I was bitter and angry with God for letting it happen, and I took my anger out on everyone around me. I felt that since I had no future, I wouldn't lift a finger on my own behalf. Let others wait on me. I shut my bedroom door and refused to come out except for meals."
His admission surprised Bill. The student he assisted displayed no bitterness or anger. He asked John to explain the change. John credited his father. Weary of the pity party and ready for his son to get on with life, he reminded the boy of the impending winter and told him to mount the storm windows. "Do the work before I get home or else," the dad insisted, slamming the door on the way out.
John reacted with anger. Muttering and cursing and groping all the way to the garage, he found the windows, stepladder, and tools and went to work. "They'll be sorry when I fall off my ladder and break my neck." But he didn't fall. Little by little he inched around the house and finished the chore.
The assignment achieved the dad's goal. John reluctantly realized he could still work and began to reconstruct his life. Years late he learned something else about that day. When he shared this detail with Bill, his blind eyes misted. "I later discovered that at no time during the day had my father ever been more than four or five feet from my side."
The father had no intention of letting the boy fall.
Your Father has no intention of letting you fall, either. You can't see Him but He is present. You are "shielded by God's power" (1 Peter 1:5). He is "able to keep you from falling and to present you before His glorious presence without fault and with great joy" (Jude 24).
Quoted from Max Lucado's Come Thirsty
Thursday, April 03, 2008
Girls, giggly and rude, pink and mean.
I stand in the corner and watch.
I am dressed wrong.
They are in jeans and tennis shoes (spotless white)
and pretty ironed blouses.
I wear a dress and brown loafers.
And on the days they wear dresses, I am wearing jeans.
My eyes follow their giggling, roving circles.
They play jacks, jump rope, tether ball,
sometimes they just whisper to each other
pointing to the boys, or to me.
I stand on the edge of the playground, watching.
My mind floats away, and I dream
of fairies and witches,
super heroes and maidens saved by strong
blond men on white horses.
This is one of the poems in which I mention 'pink'. Before my girls got to be 2-ish I had VERY strong negative feelings towards the color pink. Pink seemed to represent all these negative things about being girly- giggly, manipulative, snobby.
The girls both love pink and their love has slowly changed my feelings and opinion. But I also think being married has changed some of my negative feelings about femininity. It wasn't that I didn't want to be a girl. I wanted to be a woman- and not a girly one.
The innkeeper surveyed the damage and sighed, "The whole wall will have to be repainted."
"Perhaps not," offered a stranger. "Let me work with it."
Having nothing to lose, the proprietor consented. The man pulled pencils, brushes, some jars of linseed oil, and pigment out of an art box. He sketched lines around the stains and dabbed shades and colors throughout the splashes of tea. In time, an image began to emerge: a stag with a great rack of antlers. The man inscribed his signature at the bottom, paid for his meal, and left. His name: Sir Edwin Landseer, famous painter of wildlife.
In his hands, a mistake became a masterpiece.
God's hands do the same, over and over. He draws together the disjointed blotches in our life and renders them an expression of his love. We become pictures: "examples of the incredible wealth of his favor and kindness toward us" (Eph 2:7)
Quoted from Max Lucado's "Come Thirsty"
It's easy for me to look at a big mistake I've made and think, "God can't do anything with me. I'm worthless. Nasty. Unusable."
But that's where God's light shines brightest. In the midst of my biggest, nastiest mistakes.
He can take those horrible things and make them a masterpiece.
A king who takes the neighbor's wife to bed then arranges to have the neighbor killed when the wife turns up pregnant? That's King David, called "The man after God's own heart."
A teenage girl who shows up pregnant before marriage? That's Mary, Jesus' mom.
A guy who gets so angry that he kills somebody 'accidently'? That's Moses, the guy God chose to lead the Jews out of captivity.
God makes miracles out of messes. Lights & leaders out of losers. Masterpieces out of mistakes.
Wednesday, April 02, 2008
God bless you and your family- Spring is a special time to remember the new life Christ gives those who are willing to receive His gift.
Happy Resurrection Day!
I know these are late, but I just got time to take care of them... Jake was in Washington for the week and that's why he wasn't in these pictures, and why I didn't have time to post them until now.
The girls wanted me to take a picture of the bows in their hair. They were delighted with these enormous pink bows I found to match their dresses. It's funny to me that they both LOVE/adore/WALLOW in pink, when I am a distinctly NON-pink person. They are changing my feelings towards pink. I've got to share at least one of the poems I wrote that mentions the color pink.
I grew up with a largely absent father- my Dad worked for the Bureau of Land Management and he'd be on the field for long stretches of time. During the summer he'd only come home on the odd weekend or so. He worked as a forester tagging trees in Oregon and then as a botanist in California. He had some real fun stories of coming up on marijuana fields growing out in the middle of the desert!
Anyway, my mom did most of the work of raising my sister and me. I don't know how she did it! She taught 4's & 5's Sunday School, had friends, ran a daycare out of her home... How on earth did she have a life when my Dad was gone something like 9 months out of the year?
There is no way I could do all the things she did!
My mom has commented to me a couple times that I shouldn't rely on Jake's assistance and intervention with the girls as much as I do.... That everything shouldn't completely fall apart with him gone. Maybe she's right. I don't know. But I do know I resented my father for being absent so much of the time. I do know that the relationship my girls have with Jake is precious and valuable to me. I know that little girls need their daddy. I know that I needed mine more than he was available.
I hate the idea of not relying on Jake! Of being completely strong enough to stand on my own without him... Isn't that what being married is about? Becoming 'one'? I'm not sure that co-dependency is actually all that bad... I think there's a certain amount of depending on each other that has to happen.
I read this book that described three different marriages- the first was the 'A' type. Like the two sides of the letter A, two people lean on each other and would fall without the other. The second was a letter that when cut apart would form two completely self-sufficient letter- I think it was 'W', which would then make 2 V's. The third was an 'H' marriage- two parts that don't lean on each other, but are not complete without the other. I liked the comparison very much. I am not complete without Jake here. I am capable. I am intelligent. I can do a ton of things without Jake. I'm an excellent teacher, and I hope I'm a good mother. However, I'm sad with him gone for one night! But I can carry on without him. I know we'll be okay- just sad...
Tuesday, April 01, 2008
All of us Emery's have an enormous bunyan on our left foot and NONE on our right foot. I've got a picture of my Dad's family where they are all showing off their feet. Odd to see five long slender normal right feet and five oddly shaped (yes, you could even call them deformed) left feet...
I can also hiccup so high and loud it hurts people, but that doesn't seem weird- seems more like torture. I remember traveling once in the Company van and getting the hiccups... They wouldn't stop. And after a while they start hurting. Bad. I've got really powerful, loud and high-pitched hiccups. (I'm a high soprano who used to be able to hit A's & B's above the staff without working too hard.) I remember Eric saying, 'Please. Can't you make them stop? Please?!' So, they weren't just hurting me. They were hurting the people who had to hear them, too...