Wednesday, September 13, 2017

Sick

I've been so sick for the last three weeks...
A horrible hacking cough that just hangs on and on and on.
Bronchitis is so fun.

I missed too many classes, and felt like I was viewing the world from the bottom of the swimming pool's deep end.  I basically ended up sleeping all the time.  I'm finally coming out of the fog, but I still feel like I'm walking under water.

I've missed two reading response papers.  And I actually enjoy writing those- crazy me.
The strangest part of this virus has been a constant ringing in my left ear.  I'm desperately hoping it goes away before I end up taking some weird tinnitus medicine.

Monday, August 28, 2017

Crazy Days

These last two weeks have flown by...
My girls started school, I've been busy with work (still subbing at the library, which works out to about two days a week, not enough), market and getting my classes & funding straightened away.
On Saturday Beth and I were at market. We had a good day, and I was able to make money for groceries.
Some of my leaves

A new necklace I finished 

Some of my enameling

Then on Sunday we took our de-stash beads and supplies to a Fairbanks Arts Association art supplies Rummage Sale.  We were able to pick through our stash-(our cavernous hoard of beady goodness) and release some of it back into the wild...  it was hard!  I love my beads and you'd probably be shocked at how many I own.  At this point I really can't even begin to put an estimated number on my treasure trove of beady delights.
The rummage sale we were at on Sunday

I began my classes today, and at least the first two will be fun.  I have an American Literature class and a Modern Art History class today.  Yes, I'm weird.  I wish I could just go to school for the rest of my life....

Monday, August 14, 2017

Reminders...

Today I was reminded again and again how God provides for us in little and big ways-

*Since my kitty died, I returned all her canned food to the store which provided enough money for everything on my list...
*In Fred Meyer (grocery store) everything on my list except the fruit was on sale...
*Which meant I had a little left over so I could put gas in my car...
*I am scheduled to sub tomorrow at the library, which means I'll get paid...
*The food I had planned for dinner stretched to feed two unexpected people...
*Jake worked with me to accomplish a couple of my requests before he went back to work tomorrow...
*I got to enjoy Jake's company today on his last day of vacation as we worked together...
*We remembered a couple fun and silly moments from our camping trip last week and thought how good it was to get away together.

Jake and me being silly in our tent

A hiking trail off the Granite Tors Campground

My girls playing in the River 

Sunday, August 13, 2017

Long Time

It's been so long since I blogged I almost don't know what to say...

First some updates:
*We've moved- we're still in Fairbanks, but we've moved across town.  My sister has her own awesome apartment, and my mom is now in an assisted living facility.
*I'm still taking classes on campus in the hopes of own day soon becoming a fully certified teacher.  I knew it would take a long time, but I've had to take two semesters off which has stretched it more than I expected.
*As part of many Alaska-wide budget cuts, my job at the library was cut.  Right now I'm a substitute at the library, but that can't continue.  So I'm looking for some part time work.
*My girls have both moved up in schools- Deborah is starting high school, and Abigail has graduated elementary and begun middle school.

This last year has been one of the hardest I've ever lived through-
I started 2016 with shoulder surgery for a damaged rotator cuff which meant taking another semester break in classes.
While I was still in PT for my shoulder my mom had one last very bad fall, and just stopped being able to use her legs.  She has a pacemaker so they cant take an MRI, but we think she has spinal damage, so the messages just don't get down to her legs anymore.  We took care of her for as long as possible, but a nurse reported us because we didn't have someone with her 24/7.  My mom was moved into an assisted living facility.  Which is what I was trying to prevent because she didn't want to go.  I admit that it has been better for her- she has the care she needed, but no one should have that choice taken away from them.  Her income has to be used for her care, which meant her home had to be sold.  The home my family has had for the last 20 years has to be sold.  And my little family of four had to find our own home, and impossible task.  But God is in the business of impossible.  And God provided.
We are renting a wonderful home that we adore and really cannot believe is ours.  It's beautiful.  And I'm still stunned it's ours.
I lost my perfect part time job at the library, and now we are limping by on my husband's salary and praying God provides.
Last week I said goodbye to my little old lady kitty, Luna, of 17 years.  I miss her so much.  Having a kitty on my lap while I read and next to me when I sleep...

I have struggled with massive depression over this last year- caring for my mom, losing her, losing my family's home, moving, losing my job, losing Luna...  I shouldn't be depressed, because I know God.  I know He loves me and cares for me.  I know He's got everything in His hands.  I should be okay.  But I'm just not.
I know God hears me.  But I feel like my prayers are going in a file drawer for Him to look at later, after He takes care of more important things.
I'm surviving, but not thriving.  Sleeping too much.  Eating too much.  Playing on my phone too much...