POEM: Where?

In 2000, my sister was hospitalized on suicide watch. She has lived with "major depressive disorder" for much of her life. I don't always know how to deal with the reality of her life. I've written a couple of poems about her. This is one of them.


Where?

Remember
the day in December
we walked on the beach,
laughed
felt the wind
on our cheeks,
in our hair,
our lungs.
Remember
sand in our shoes so
you took out your drawing book,
told me to go walk.
I looked back at you.
You were smiling,
laughing
hand darting on the paper.

Where did you go?
Where does sadness eat laughter?
Now you dwell in a dark cave,
hibernating,
sleeping life away.
Where did you go?
Where?

I look at the photos of that day
see my little sister,
a figment fading from view,
replaced with the sleeping
drugged creature in my basement.
Was the sadness behind your eyes?
I didn't know.
I didn't see.
How could I have missed it?