Not profound

I want to say something profound, but there's nothing profound in me today.

We are supposed to have snow on Tuesday. Oh, God! I'm so not ready for winter.

We all stayed home sick from church. Deborah has been sick for the last several days. Jake is sick with a cold, possibly the flu. Abigail is recovering. And I have a headache.

Luna is sleeping next to me all curled up on a chair. So cute! When I type, her whiskers and ears twitch. And when I whisper "kitty" her eye barely opens. Just enough to check where I am & if I need her.

My expression in this picture makes me laugh. The girls are so cute, and I look like I'm gonna kill the person with the camera...

God's Voice

I heard God more clearly yesterday than I have in a long time.
I've been so frustrated lately and with my life and our situation... I'm not sure I'm thrilled with what God spoke into my heart, but I am sure I heard His voice.
He said to me, "Until you are content with ME, your life will not have much change."
Hmmm... Sometimes I wish God would choose to let me do what I want, instead of what He knows is best for me!!! =)
Oh, well. So for now, I am choosing to be content with Him. Choosing to rest in Him. Choosing to accept that this is the place we are in, for now.
He is more than enough.













More Than Enough
by Chris Tomlin

All of You is more than enough for all of me
For every thirst and every need
You satisfy me with Your love
And all I have in You is more than enough

You are my supply
My breath of life
And still more awesome than I know
You are my reward
worth living for
And still more awesome than I know

All of You is more than enough for all of me
For every thirst and every need
You satisfy me with Your love
And all I have in You is more than enough

You're my sacrifice
Of greatest price
And still more awesome than I know
You're the coming King
You are everything
And still more awesome than I know

More than all I want
More than all I need
You are more than enough for me
More than all I know
More than all I can say
You are more than enough for me

My Love Affair with Fantasy

This is the one. The book that started it all. And the original cover (or at least part of it). Scholastic has re-released the book with some funky new cover, but I like the old one best.

I first read 'The Forgotten Door' by Alexander Key in 5th grade. I had Mrs. Milan in Riverside, California and she pretty much let me read whatever I wanted.

(That was the year I read through the set of encyclopedias on her classroom shelf. Yes, I was that weird.)

However, The forgotten Door was part of the curriculum, and I LOVED it.

A kid gets lost through some old teleportation/time-travel door, and stuck in our world. He deals with suspicious small-town people, guns and our judicial system. His telepathy makes it possible for him to communicate with the family who finds him and helps him, but can't stop the legal system from trying to 'protect' him.

Up until this point I had read a lot of Nancy Drew/ Trixie Belden type stuff. After this, I was transported into C.S. Lewis' The Lion, The Witch and The Wardrobe type stuff.

I discovered my niche. My comfort zone. My happy place.

I re-read this book last week, and discovered it has stood up to the test of time. It's still good.

Mind you, I wasn't as enthralled as my 9 year old self, but the story itself is good. I could see/remember why I loved it so much.

Red Flowers

Here's my latest wire piece. I'm pleased with it. Of course, there are things I'd change, but I'm never telling what they are! =)

$45.00

Made by Rebecca

Nikita

Our 'new' old car. We've named her Nikita because she has quite a past...












She's a '99 Dodge Neon, and Jake's in love with her...

Jake found her through an ad in the paper, and paid (IMO) way more than she was worth.
She's been in an accident and we keep finding more things wrong with her because of the accident...

Such as: the reservoir for windshield fluid was sheered off, there is no horn, the dome light doesn't work... all of which are related to electrical issues. Jake's been able to fix most of the problems, but I wish he didn't have a fascination with fixing up old things...

Here's the other reason we've called her Nikita- under the seat covers she had a secret compartment cut into the passagenger car seat. There's no other reason I can imagine for that except transporting drugs.

She's a lovely sparkly purple and one of her front side panels is black. The girls like her 'cuz she's purple. LOL.










The driver's seat was miserable and terribly uncomfortable for my poor neck and shoulders, so Jake replaced it. Poor guy. He wants me to like the car as much as he does! The new seat is definitely more comfortable than the old one, but still not as comfortable as my mom's Dodge Durango.

If I had a dream vehicle it would be a new Dodge Durango. I LOVE my mom's! Give me 4 wheel drive, and at least a V-6 any day!!! I love the power and durability of it. It's comfortable, everybody has plenty of leg room, and we can all go somewhere. On our last trip through Canada we all fit in it, and did very well.

Books

Yup, I'm reading. I may not have said anything about it lately, but I hope I'm never not reading. I enjoy the escape of reading. I enjoy the lands I can visit. So, this is one of the books I've particularly enjoyed lately:


The Boys are Back in Town by Christopher Golden

from the cover:

From a master of horror, dark fantasy, and suspense comes a compelling and uniquely original work of paranormal suspense in which one man finds himself trapped in a web of ever-shifting reality which threatens to remake the whole of the world -- unless he can find a way to stop it.
For Will James, facing his tenth high school reunion is far from his finest hour, especially since his life has not gone exactly as he planned. Dumped at the altar by his high school sweetheart and with his dreams of being a prize-winning reporter dashed by his job at a Boston tabloid, he is not sure he is ready to face his former peers.But what he does find at the reunion is far more than he bargained for. He soon learns that one of his buddies had died several years back -- even though Will had received an e-mail from him only a few days before. It is not long before other people Will was convinced were alive are turning out to be dead as well, or married to other people, or childless where they used to have children. And new memories are swarming in to replace what Will is convinced was his old life, until he no longer knows what is real and what is not. The only thing he does know for certain is that he has to figure out why he alone remembers snatches of another life before everything dissolves into this new, darker reality.

I loved this dark fantasy novel. Excellent writing, excellent story, great twists and turns.

Bike Ride

Last Sunday we all went for a long bike ride...

Down to the river and to a little park. Where the girls played and played while we sat on a bench and canoodled.

Those are pinecones in her hand...

Mobsters

I've fallen into the hole of the GAMING world.

Not something I thought I'd ever do...

I haven't been blogging 'cuz I've been playing Mobsters on MySpace. I finish my one or two hours of jewelry making in the evening and hop over to the computer for some mobbing.

And I've been on there for hours...

Crazy.

Not something I expected EVER to do.

I think it really fits in with the whole 'I've been depressed' thing.

Money is tight. My schedule is tight.

My health is not good. My back, neck and ankle hurt.

I've gained so much weight this last year.

I'm frustrated with the choices Jake is making.

My jewelry hasn't been selling like I want it to.

And it's ALL out of my control.

I can't exercise 'cuz it hurts my ankle.

I can't make people buy my stuff.

I can't make Jake do what I want him to. (Although I can pout, whine, and generally drive him crazy, this is not an effective means of getting my way!)

I can't magic up more money.

I can't eliminate school for the girls, nor do I want to. (Which is a good thing, 'cuz they drove me crazy this week when they were home sick from school!)

The Stash is closing, which takes away one of the places we've displayed our stuff. Plus, it gives us a definite way of defining how bad the economy is up here & everywhere else.

The gaming has given me an escape from how bad I feel. I can go away to a world where I can make TONS of money, beat up anybody I want to, and grow in success and power. Pretty cool.

Hmmm. Just not effective in making me feel any better.

Which blogging does. (makes me feel better, I mean.)

And spending time with my family does.

And making jewelry does.

And writing does.

And exercising does. (I've got to figure out a way around this stupid ankle issue!!! I've got a feeling the extra bit of weight I've gained this year makes my ankle even worse, and then it all becomes a downward spiral of pain and weight gain...)

And spending time with God does.

And spending time drawing, painting, singing, acting, working at church does...

So, perhaps gaming is not the best answer for my problems right now...

Hmmmm...

Sick, sick, sick...

Everybody is sick here...
Abigail's had the flu and been home from pre-school.
Deborah and Jake have a cold and are both CRANKY.
I've got a little bit of a cold, but not much.

We didn't go to church today 'cuz of the sick.

Blech

I've been very down over the weekend. So has Jake.
Which means we get on each other's nerves.
Which means we snap and crackle at each other.

I hate it that being close to someone means you feel safe with them, which means you are more likely to casually hurt them. Not fair.

We show the world around us who we are by our actions even more than our words. When I am nasty and mean to my husband, my girls see it. My neighbors see it. The people in Fred Meyer see it. And I HATE it.

I wish...

I wish...

We weren't so poor.
We were wiser with the money we have.
Jake had a job he loved that had benefits and growth potential.
Jake was writing more.
Jake was leading worship.
Jake was happy.
I were teaching drama & english.
I had more time for my jewelry.
I had a studio where I could go paint, and make jewelry, and leave unfinished projects out.
I slept more.
I wasn't always so tired.
I wrote more regularly.
I felt more connected to God.
I didn't feel so lonely.
I was involved with an amazing Bible study.
I was growing in God.
I was faithful to read my Bible every day.
I wasn't so overweight.
My ankle didn't hurt.
I could walk everyday.
My ankle was healing.
My neck didn't hurt all the time.
I dealt with less stress.
My house was clean.
Jake and I had more time alone.
Jake & I would go walking every day.
We had our own space.
Our backyard had a fence.
We had a dog.
My family weren't so messy.
I lived in Washington or Oregon.
I was acting in community theatre shows.
My heart didn't hurt every time I thought about church drama.
I was used by my church.
We were at a different church.
I felt like we were used by God appropriately.
I was acting at church or writing for my church.
I heard God more clearly.
I knew what God wanted me to do.
I was doing what I KNEW God wanted me to do.
I was who God wanted me to be.
I was content.

Sparkle?

There's been NOTHING to read around the house... I had some jewelry books late at the library, so I couldn't go there to get new books. I've been rubbing my pennies together, and stacking books to turn in at the local used book store for credit...

So, I decided to find something in Beth's shelves. I found the Stephanie Meyer Twilight books.

I've read 2 and 1/2 so far. They're not as bad as I thought they'd be, but they are not as good as they should be. When so many people are raving about a series, it should be fantastic.

These books are not fantastic.

I apologize to any fans. I'm not intending to step on your toes. But if you think this is what 'real love' is all about, you are in for a world of hurt. I do not like these books promoted as the 'answer to love' for teen age girls. Cuz this is not love. It's creepy. And not the vampire bit. The vampires really aren't creepy, which is too bad. I think vampires should be kind of creepy.

The writing is mediocre. Imagine Romeo & Juliet, except the two families want the lovers together. Plus, he can read her mind. Perfection, yes?

Except there's no real drive or drama, no great characterizations. Oh, yeah. I forgot. Edward can 'sparkle'. And his eyes change color. That's characterization. Right?

And Bella's big flaw is that she doesn't believe that he could possibly ever love her. 'Cuz she's human. And clumsy.

There's a lot of over-the-top drama stuff. And over-the-top emotion stuff, which could be good. But it's not...

Love is AMAZING. I'm in love. Love can be good (again, think Romeo & Juliet), but it's just not that good. The first story gets interesting about two thirds of the way in, when the Cullen family (read 'GOOD vampires') is playing baseball (I kid you not), and three other non-Cullen (read 'BAD guys') vampires join them. They smell Bella and decide that they must have her as a light snack. And suddenly there's some action and interest.

The second one has werewolves. I LOVE werewolves. Who can go wrong with a good werewolf story??? I admit it was better than the first story, but that's just not saying much...

I'm currently in the middle of the third, which is kind of a "good-vampires meets bad-vampires meets werewolves" kind of tale. It's also better than the first, but again, that's just not saying much...

Ready

I'm ready for change... So tired of this place, this time, this house...
Why can't I be content?
Rest in God's arms and trust Him to care for me?
Trust Him to know the right time?

Why do I fight?
I'm like a prizefighter- knocked down, but still yelling,
"I'm the champ! Let me up! I can do it!
Let me at him! I've got it in me!
Just wait! You'll see!"

I'm so tired of having this dream in me,
like a woman nine months pregnant,
and ready to hold her new baby in her arms.

This dream echoes in my head, in my heart.
A place for me and Jake.
A time for us.
No debt.
Reasonable bills.
A church home where we are loved, accepted and useful.
Two little blond girls, happy and excited to grow and explore.

Such a simple and almost unreachable goal.
So little compared to my goals & dreams 5, 10 years ago.

Dreams to be mightily used by God.
To have a creative ministry.
To be part of a group of people growing in God and reaching people.

Now, I just want to be where You want me to be.
Now, I just want to be united with You.
Used by You.
Freed by You.
Growing in You.

Tired, tired, tired of the same old.

After Farmer's Market

So, I get to go AWAY on Saturdays. I go to Farmer's Market and sell jewelry, interact with people and, if it's warm enough, I get to bead. I LOVE my portable beading tray. LOVE it. But that is beside the point here.
The point is that I go away. I leave my little ones in the care of their Grammy, and I go have fun. Potentially, I make money. Some days I sell a lot of jewelry. Some days a sell a little.
But to do this, I go away.
And the girls play.
And make a big fat mess.
And no one makes them clean up.
When I get home after a 9 to 10 hour HARD day, I come home to this:











And most Saturdays, Jake works until 9:30. Which means I need to cook for the girls, feed them, get the house a little clean (at least clean enough that we don't all die tripping over Barbie's bed or Polly's pocket or the Little People castle), bath them, and put them to bed.
All the while they are begging 'one more chance', or 'one more book', or 'but I don't WANNA!'

I really do love Saturdays. And Farmer's Market. And my two precious, sweet girls.
But parenthood is not for the weak.
And it's potentially deadly if you're tired.

Writing, writing, writing.

Yup, that's me. I've got deadlines, and jewelry to make.
So, no blogging. Wuhh-laaah!!!
Sorry.
No time.
The pretty pics will be back as soon as possible.
For now, it's just words, and quick ones at that...

Deborah is coming home from 1st grade EXHAUSTED. Poor kid. It's hard to go to school for 6 and 1/2 hours when your 6!
Abigail is lonely at home by herself. She misses her sister.
I'm stuck at the computer, and running around to appointments like a chicken with her head cut off. Doctors, school meetings, dropping Deborah off, picking her up, getting immunizations...

Jake's got a NASTY work schedule this week, 'cuz classes start up at the U and a quarter of his workmates are leaving for school. So, he's working 9 days straight with a noon to 9:30 shift. Which means he's not around for temper tantrums, dinner, baths, teeth-brushing, book-reading, or prayers... So, I have been transformed!

I'm Super-mom! Able to solve the biggest fear of a 3 year old- peeing by herself! Able to doctor the biggest owies and boo-boos! Able to calm the scariest temper tantrum an exhausted first grader can throw! Duh-duh-duh! Super-mom!

And of course, I'm not sleeping. Just to add to the general chaos this week my body has decided to pass on sleep. Yay.

Wedding Pieces

I've just finished some jewelry for a wedding. I enjoy doing commission pieces because I like knowing I will get paid. =)

As much as I enjoy just making pretties, I like knowing that the pretties I am making will make me money.

The hair vine was a totally new thing for me. I love the result.











I also made a wire necklace for the bride and one for her maid of honor. I didn't get pics before she came to pick them up, but I can give the reference pics.
The bride wanted something similar to this neclace, but with clear crystals around the blue flower center, and with clear crystals and leaves between the flowers.

Oh, and she wanted smaller flowers, so I used the next size down crystals... Her necklace looked like the crystal flowers on the hair vine...

I've never done wedding jewelry before, but I think the results were lovely.

Writing! Me!

Ha! I feel like writing today!!! =)
Don't know what I feel like writing about, but it's been a long time!

Let's see...
Jake let me sleep in today! And he washed a load of dishes, and he made me food, and he took the girls for an 'adventure'. So, I'm home. And it's quiet. And I'm the only one here. Isn't he good to me???
Bless the man!

Deborah goes to school again tomorrow. Her first day in first grade. She's so old. (six) And tall. (4 feet-ish)
She's excited about going back to school, while I am feeling trepiditious. This will be her first time doing ALL day. 9-3:30. What on earth will they do with all that time? Gracious, that's almost as long as 8-5. I know learning is hard work, but what will they do all day.
She already knows how to read. She's reading at an alarming rate. You know what I enjoy most about her reading?
Even when she's struggling to figure out a word, she adds inflections. If they are asking a question, she makes it sound like a question. She isn't just plodding along. She's figuring it out as she goes and enjoying the story. It's fun for her to read to me. Mostly what we do is share- I'll read a page, and then she'll read a page. Although she likes it when we do words- her one word, then me one word. Pretty funny.

Abigail starts pre-school on the 31st. She also turns 4 on the 31st. How did she get so old? And tall? I'm not sure how I feel about my baby being so big. I'm not ready for her to not be my baby.

I'm still writing for the church. And doing jewelry. And doing Farmer's Market. And I'm still busy. Probably too busy. I've been a little overwhelmed for the last week or so. Since we got back from camping I've felt like I'm always tired, and always behind...
But here I am. Writing. 'Cuz I want to, and I like it. Dang it. =P

Blahs

I've been feeling the blahs... Not that life hasn't been happening. I just don't feel like commenting on it. Or writing about it. Or doing anything extra.
We went camping. It was great.
We went to the fair. Everybody had fun.
I slept a lot today. I wish I felt better.
I've been writing a lot for the Fellowship children's program. I am glad to be making money doing something I enjoy.
Deborah starts first grade next week. I don't know what I think about that...
I feel old and overweight. I turn 38 this year.
I hurt a lot- my ankle, my back, my neck.
I will be going to Farmer's Market tomorrow. I hope I sell some stuff.

Camping Trip

We're back from Denali!
And we had a wonderful time.
I'll share pictures and tales sometime when I'm not exhausted from the trip. =)

WASPS!!!

My girls found a wasp hive in the back corner of the backyard yesterday.

What fun.

I was writing on the computer and they were playing outside. (I love where the computer is- right next to the sliding glass doors going outside. I can hear them and see them.)

Suddenly, they were screaming. And it wasn't the "I'm having fun!" scream. It was sheer panic/bad pain scream.

I stood up, slid open the screen and yelled "What is it?"

"Mama, mama, mama!" With both of them running towards me crying and screaming...

Deborah got to the porch stairs and started saying something about a bite and bees. I got her inside, and then Abigail finally got there. I was talking to her when I realized there was a wasp flying around her head. I yanked her in, closed the screen door and turned around to see Deborah's hand.

She had a nasty sting, so I took her up to the bathroom. And I watched wasps fly OUT OF HER SHIRT.

I yanked her out of the bathroom, shut the door and took her back down to the kitchen. Then I realized there were wasps flying around the living room...

So, I took both of them up to their bedroom, shut the door and got them calmed down. While I was holding them, my sister braved the bathroom and killed three wasps.

Then I left the girls in the bedroom, came downstairs and helped Beth round up the last few. We got a couple to fly out the window, and killed the other two. We counted up at least 8. We aren't sure exactly how many flew out the open window... I saw at least 2, and Beth saw another one.

I let them out of their bedroom, got Deborah medicated and calmed down. Then Jake called. And I fell apart.

Isn't that always the way it is? I can handle almost anything while it is happening, but afterwards... Really, when you think about it, it's amazing we got away with only one sting.

Jake's got a pretty crazy story about him and his brother finding a wasps nest. Each of them ended up with something like 13 stings...