Monday, July 07, 2008

Notes to Managers

My husband is now leaving his job at FM. I wish he'd go a little slower- like have one job before he leaves the other one... But I do agree with his choice.
Anyway, I have compiled this list based primarily on his recent experience, but also combining some of my past job experiences with some of his...

1. When they get injured on the job, terminate their insurance. In fact, don't only terminate it- Make sure that the injured part doesn't know their insurance has been terminated until a month after the termination date.

2. Determine to make your expectations as unclear as possible. Then yell at your employees & call them names (such as 'stupid' or worse) when they don't succeed in achieving the expectations you kept hidden from them.

3. Tell your employees they're doing their job wrong and then walk away without explaining how you want it done.

4. Call them at home and demand information about specific purchases that occurred during an exceptionally busy day and then hang up without telling them why you wanted the information.

5. Switch employees around on the floor, and call it 'cross-training'. Put employees in areas they don't know or care about. Make sure that no-one is around to help them, so they sink or swim on their own.

6. When an employee goes above and beyond their job requirements and starts getting noticed, get jealous. Get even. Take away the fun parts of their job and let them keep only the nasty & boring parts.

7. When preparing to hire a new employee, make sure to let the old employee get at least 6 months behind on their paperwork. Then demand that the new employee have everything running correctly after 2 weeks on the new job. Remove the old employee so that no-one is around to properly train the new one.

8. Greet your employees in the morning with a variation of this line, "I didn't bring you here at this time to do that!" Then walk away in a huff without telling them what you do want them to do...

9. Give an employee responsibility for a specific area, but absolutely no authority to order parts or items when the store runs out of them, and remove any system to let the purchaser know that certain items are needed. Then yell at the responsible employee for not having the items.

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