Evil

Several events converged this last week which have made me contemplate the presence of evil once again… Lovely topic, yeah… Not one I’d like to muse over for long, but maybe if I write about it I’ll get it over and be able to move on.

Anyway, first event: Our pastor is midway through a LONG series on Romans. We’re somewhere around the 15th sermon which focused on Romans 8 and how evil and sick humanity is through and through… Yup, we are all just nasty and ill- and this Christian life I’m living? It’s actually completely, totally, and 100% IMPOSSIBLE to accomplish on my own. The only way it’s possible is through the presence of the Holy Spirit inside of me.

Second event: I finished off Steven King’s ‘Lisey’s Story’. One of the main characters was severely abused during his childhood, so I once again got to witness the horrors that parents can inflict on those entrusted to their care. The father cuts on his 2 boys to ‘let the evil out’… (it fits in with the story, but I’m not going into that here)

Third event: Beth & I have been watching episodes of CSI in the evening during our beading. We’ve been checking out the DVD’s from the library, are up to the third season, and I find that I’m a little addicted. I thoroughly enjoy the mystery & clues aspect of this show- putting together the bits and pieces and figuring out what happened and who did it.

Anyway, most of the time it’s just about the mystery as far as I’m concerned (mind you, I avoid the ones with children, which is why I no longer watch Law & Order: Special Victims Unit. I love the characters, but some of those stories have stuck with me and even triggered nightmares). But this one episode of CSI from last week really bothered me- This lawyer guy is driving home drunk from his ‘welcome to the firm’ party and he hits a guy. The guy goes through his windshield with his head hanging over the passenger seat. Our lawyer thinks the guys’s dead so he drives home to sober up with the intention of then driving somewhere and calling the cops. Except when he goes out to the garage after sobering up, the guy is alive and says, ‘help me.’… So the lawyer decides to leave the guy hanging through his car, to go to work the next few days, and to let the guy bleed to death… Then he tries to hide the body, which is where the CSI story begins...

Letting someone die alone & stuck through your car’s windshield to protect your new job & reputation struck me as evil and sick. I was reminded of Jake saying to me during the first year or two of our marriage that, ‘you never know what you are capable of until the right circumstances are placed before you…’ And he didn’t mean in a heroic sense. We were talking about someone having an affair, someone else killing someone, and some of the truly sick and evil things Jake’s ex-wife did to him… Jake meant that anyone is capable of any evil & perverted sin if given the right circumstances… That it’s better to think of yourself as a Sinner saved by God’s unmerited grace, rather than a Saint surrounded by the world’s evil…

I don’t know… I don’t like thinking of myself as capable of ‘anything'. I know there is sin in me- that truly, I’m a selfish & self-centered person saved by the unmerited favor of a loving & forgiving God… I know that I struggle day to day to walk in the footsteps of Jesus and to act lovingly and graciously towards others. And I know quite well that it only takes a few ‘bumps’ and ‘scrapes’ to bring out the mean and selfish part of me… But to hide someone while they bleed to death in pain and to go through my daily ritual while this is happening…

Is that what we do when we don’t share God’s grace with those around us?? Let them basically bleed to death in pain while pretending it’s not happening? Dwell in our selfish comfort and ignore the lost around us… I know I can’t do everything and that’s not what God is calling me to, but sometimes I choose not to even do what I can.

God, you are gracious beyond my comprehension. Forgive my deliberate choice to hide behind my filthy rags of ‘goodness’. I am only good through your unmerited grace. I am only forgiven of my selfishness and sin by the sacrifice of Your son. Help me share that mercy and grace with those I come in contact with through my daily rituals. I never want to forget how good and kind You are to me, how much Your love cost. I never want to forget the sin You’ve saved me from...