Satisfaction in God, Part 2

My sister and I have been having a running email conversation about finding satisfaction in God, and I feel like I hit on something that's pretty important to me. I suspect that many people have got this down, or at least understand it while I'm still floundering around...

I know this is something Paul speaks to in Philipians 3:8-10. In this passage Paul talks about finding nothing else equal to the greatness of knowing Christ, and that Christ alone brings satisfaction and completeness. What is more, I consider everything a loss compared to the surpassing greatness of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord, for whose sake I have lost all things. I consider them rubbish, that I may gain Christ and be found in him, not having a righteousness of my own that comes from the law, but that which is through faith in Christ—the righteousness that comes from God and is by faith. This is one of my very favorite passages, but I've never looked at it quite like this before... I've always focused on the idea of "Knowing Christ", becoming like Him and the value & joy of my relationship with Him...

I hadn't really ever thought about my disatisfaction with life being related to my need for God... I have been so unsatisfied/frustrated/angry lately with the life Jake & I are living right now... Being stuck at home all day, having very little money, being bored and unhappy with my 'homemaker' status... I've been dreaming of moving to Washington or Oregon or even just into our own place here in Fairbanks. And I've been dreaming about getting at least a part-time job, maybe even a full time job just so that we'd have a little more money. Things are so tight right now, and I keep thinking that something/anything would change the way that I feel about our situation... (even though I'm very sure that staying at home with my girls is where God wants me right now)

I guess I've been thinking that if I had a job I'd be satisfied..., or if Jake & I had our own place I'd be satisfied. Wow. That's so wrong. If my unsatisfied feelings are all about needing to be closer to God, then it really doesn't matter if I'm here, in Texas or in Seattle... It will only be satisfied by the time I spend with God. I will only find joy and completion in knowing Christ more fully and resting in Him.

I've always taken so much satisfaction and maybe even my identity from the work I've done for God... I think it's quite possible that's the reason God doesn't have me working in a church right now. I think that God has separated me from my busy-ness to remind me that the reason I am called to serve is to find myself completely in Him. Finding my person in bringing Him glory... Finding satisfaction in lifting Him up, and allowing Him to fill every hole in me- The holes I try to fill with books, places, escape, acting, and music...

God, help. I want you to fill me and make me complete. I've got so many soul-holes that I have tried to fill with things other than You. And they will never satisfy. I want Your fullness and Your completion. I want more of You...