So tomorrow or later today (however you choose to think of it- I tend to be a "it's not the next day until I wake up in the morning" kind of person) is the needle in my neck thing. Whee-hee. That's why I'm up at 3:30 in the morning. Could you sleep if they were gonna stick a big freaking needle into your spine??? I know it's going to be worth it. Sometimes I can't sleep 'cuz my neck hurts so bad. I can't do a lot of things 'cuz my neck hurts so bad... But ugh!
Needle. In My Neck.
So, here's the first story about why I don't like needles. I was sick a lot as a kid. No big whoop, right? Just the way it was. But this one time, when I was around 4 or 5, my mom left me with a nurse to take care of my sister, and when she came back they had tried to draw blood from each of my arms and were moving on to my neck. So she comes back to find me flipping out while the nurses are holding me and sticking a needle in my neck. Plus I've got bandages on both my arms. Lovely image. Now that I'm a mom, I understand her anger. Those nurses were just lucky she didn't kill them...
Second story. When I was 7 I stuck my hand through a window on accident. I was running down a hill and smashed into a window in our house. I bled a lot and got taken to the ER where they stuck these incredible painful needles directly into the cuts in my hand and wrist, pulled some glass out of my wrist and then stitched the whole thing up. I've got five scars on my left hand. And yes, it does kind of look like I tried to commit suicide. But there's no way I could have even tried it that way 'cuz I would have passed out just thinking about it.
Third story. The summer before I went to seminary I had appendicitis. After the surgery I got really, really sick. Turns out I was allergic to the anasthesia and I had a VERY bad reaction. I ended up staying much longer than they thought I would. And then the IV went bad. It started backing up, and messing me up. And they had to stick the stupid IV back in.
I'm awful to try and draw blood from, 'cuz I start to go into shock. Do you know what happens when you go into shock??? Part of the fight or flight thing is that all your blood leaves your extremities and goes into your torso. Which means your veins go really flat and small. Which means they have to poke you and poke you and poke you to get a good stick... And since it's a panic reaction I can't just calmly make it go away. It is completely out of my control. It is shocking to me how many nurses take it personally, like I'm scared of them or like I think they're doing a bad job. Are you kidding??? It could be Florence Nightengale herself and I'd still be flipping out. My mind sees a needle and makes it into Dracula or something...
Anyway, I'm starting to get dizzy and light-headed writing about this. (I'm not lying about that either...) So I'd better stop before I pass out.
Fun thing is that my doctor gave me some valium to take so that I can do the needle tomorrow... Wasn't that nice of her? Makes me want to give her a hug. Maybe I should take one of 'em tonight so that I can sleep...
Imperfection is Perfection
3 weeks ago