In the last week my mother has had a minor stroke and is in the hospital. She is okay, but this has been an enormous shock. She's got diabetes and heart problems... we weren't expecting a stroke. She lost all mobility on her left side, but her doctor is expecting a full recovery... HUGE shock. It's so hard to explain to my three year old where her Grammy is. We've visited her every day and talked to her on the phone, but my Mom has played an enormous role with my kids. Since we live with her, she does all my babysitting and she participates actively in their lives. She's the one I often discuss things about my girls with, 'cuz Jake's normally too busy and he always wants to just FIX whatever problem I just want to talk over... Not that I don't appreciate his opinion... But sometimes I just want to talk about them, and kind of generate ideas for how to deal with their stuff, not FIX my girls.
Also, I have been preparing for VBS which is the last thing we're doing at Shannon Park before moving on. I had committed to doing the music and decorations back in March. I love doing VBS. I had NO idea how much I would love doing it. I've gotten to work at a VBS every year since I graduated from seminary. Mostly I've done worship rally, and taught music. One year I ended up directing the whole shebang, which I abhored. I love leading the worship rally and teaching the music and the motions and I love taking over the ENTIRE church with the decorations. Beth and I have been doing the decorations at Shannon Park for the last three years. We've done grandiose things with paint and origami and flags and it's been such fun! This year's theme is Alaska, Arctic Edge, which I thought was just silly at first, but now I think it's kind of fun that everybody else is learning about Alaska. And we've had fun with how much the kids already know here. (Melissa, we do incredible paintings and props on cardboard and I'm finally convinced of the value of cardboard sets. :)
It is so hard to emotionally throw myself into doing this for Shannon Park when we will be leaving immediately after it's over. I'm torn between committing myself to the kids and falling in love with the visitors and loving the kids I've worked with in my choir for the last three years. Another weird thing I've discovered is I love directing the children's choir. It is so hard to work with our new pastor... which also makes this year hard. I'm realy struggling with forgiving him. I feel like he's stolen our church, which is not actually true. God is the one who is moving us. He's just using them to facilitate this move. I wish I knew what he's doing with us.
God, please heal my Mom. please grant her a full and complete recovery. That she would be able to use her left arm and leg and climb up stairs and do everything she could before. Please help her be able to hold Abigail again. God, please help me not be angry with the Pastor and his wife. Please help me forgive them for their interpretation of scripture. Please remind me that You are in control and that you are using this situation to take us someplace else, someplace better for us, somplace where you can use us more fully and effectively. Please bring us to a place of service and light and dwelling richly and deeply with You.. God, remind me the ways that this "Egypt" was not as good as it feels like it was. Show us the way so that we can walk your way. Make our path clear. I love you.
And so it goes.
3 months ago