Before

I remember when...
I had so much to say to You that the words fell onto the paper like rain from the Seattle sky.
I knew that I was adored and loved and felt fully confident of Your plans and purposes... of Your goodness and love...
I was sure of my place in Your plan, not at the center, but at Your feet gazing on Your light and lifting You high...
I knew Your words and heard Your voice...
I was so full of passion for You from top to bottom that I flew through weeks and over months with joy and abandon...
I was heard, and could come to You in freedom, my Abba...

God, somehow my love for You has been lost behind the slow, lingering death of dreams I thought You planted and nurtured.
Were they my dreams?? My hopes? I thought they were Yours. Was I so wrong?
Because if I was wrong in this fundamental thing, then all I knew of You is shifting sand.
Quicksand dragging me down.

My love for You is still here.
A seed I've kept hidden, safe in the pocket of my heart.
Will you nurture it?
Or will you let it wither and die?
Dried and hollow, like my heart.