recovery

I am tired all the time. I sleep. And I wake up tired.
I go to work, get Abigail to her OT, get Deborah, make dinner, and fall asleep on the couch.
I'm not making much stuff right now- just what I make at class.

I go to bed, and have trouble sleeping, but I can fall asleep anywhere else.
I actually started to fall asleep with one of my first grade students... Pretty pathetic.
Poor little guy. We were playing a game, and I closed my eyes. Then I opened them. And he was looking at me. He said, "You fell asleep!" And I was all like, "You know, I think I did." It wasn't long, but it was kind of embarrassing...

When I talked to my physical therapist she told me the kind of major surgery I had takes a long time to recover from... I want it to be fast. Like it's been about 3 months now. I should be better! Not falling asleep the instant I sit down! I should be back to making jewelry, and dancing in the streets!

But the paper-work my PT gave me indicates that I only have so much energy to give during a single day. And my surgeon told me my body is in the process of re-building muscles, nerves, bones, and tendons in my neck & spine. Therefore, when my energy runs out during the day, it's just gone. And half my energy is in the process of re-building myself.

I feel like a 'half-man, half'machine' sort of thing... Wish I could figure out how to share the crazy pics I've got of the screws and THINGS in my neck.

I miss blogging. I miss writing about stuff. I miss having the energy to write about stuff... I'll think about something to write, sit down at the computer, and have no clue what I was gonna write about...

That's the thing about energy. It's where my creativity seems to be located. I've only got so much energy right now, and I can't seem to save any of it to write about cool stuff.

I will get back to you, little blog. I love you, and I haven't forgotten about you. In fact, I think about you every day. Recovery is only for a season. And this season will not last forever. Please wait for me, little blog. I'll be back soon.

Small Things

"What I do you cannot do; but what you do, I cannot do. The needs are great, and none of us, including me, ever do great things. But we can all do small things, with great love, and together we can do something wonderful."– Mother Theresa

Book Reviews- A Diana Wynne Jones Duo

Dark Lord of Derkholm- by Diana Wynne Jones


From the book jacket: For forty years, Wizard Derk's world has been devastated by Mr. Chesney's Pilgrim Parties- packaged excursions for tourists from the next universe in search of adventure. When mild-mannered Derk is chosen to play the role of this year's Dark Lord, he is forced by the sinister Mr. Chesney to turn his bucolic country estate into a labyrinthine castle lit by baleful fires, manifest himself as a nine-foot-tall shadow with flaming red eyes, and lead his minions in a climactic battle against the Forces of Good. Can Derk find a way to put an end to the evil Mr. Chesney and his Pilgrim Parties- once and for all?

I LOVED this book. It does so many things so well- It's very funny, with touches of Jones' British humour, yet Dark Lord is also quite serious as Jones touches on the subjects of growing up, harmony between different cultures and races, dealing with bullying, and taking responsibility for your own actions. An expansive setting with several twisty surprises, the sparkling intelligence behind the book, plus the defeat of the bad guys make this book a delight. I've heard it said, 'if you like J. K. Rowling, try Diana". While the books have some similarities (British silliness, magic, mayhem, learning wizards, etc.), what I enjoy most about both of these series is the depth of reality to their worlds. Both Rowling and Jones inject their fantastical worlds with believable, sympathetic characters who must deal with believable, and awful situations. Love the magic! Love the fun! Well worth the time.


Year of The Griffin by Diana Wynn Jones

From the book jacket: It is eight years after the tours from off-world have stopped. High Chancellor Querida has retired, leaving Wizard Corkoran in charge of the Wizards' University. Although Wizard Corkoran's obsession is to be the first man on the moon, and most of his times is devoted to this project, he decides he will teach the new first years himself in hopes of currying the favor of the new students' families- for surely they must all come from wealthy, important families- and obtaining money for the University (which it so desperately needs). But Wizard Corkoran is dismayed to discover that one of those students- indeed, one he had such high hopes for, Wizard Derk's own daughter Elda- is a huge golden griffin, and that none of the others has any money at all.
Wizard Corkoran's money-making scheme backfires, and when Elda and her new friends start working magic on their own, the schemes go wronger still. And when, at length, Elda ropes in her brothers Kit and Blade to send Corkoran to the moon... well... life at the Wizards University spins magically and magnificently out of control.

I LOVED this one, too. Year of the Griffin has a different feel than Dark Lord- a little less desperate and smaller in scope, a little more silly- however, the problems of the students are very real, believable and life-threatening. I loved seeing characters from Dark Lord again, and getting to watch them grow up more. Loved the idea of educating wizards, even though the subject is treated quite differently than Rowling. Well worth the time.

Creativity

“You can’t wait for inspiration. You have to go after it with a club.”
Jack London

The God of Story

I get these daily devotionals from Proverbs 31 Ministries. Sometimes they're good, and sometimes they are merely okay. I liked this one...
*****

The God of Story

4 Jan 2011

by Ariel Allison Lawhon
She Reads Co-Director & Featured Author

“I am the Alpha and the Omega, the First and the Last, the Beginning and the End.”– Revelation 22:13 (NIV)

I think of Him first as a storyteller, this Jesus of mine. That might sound odd to some. He is after all Savior and Redeemer. Lion and Lamb. But I would not know Him as any of those had He not spoken to me first in the gentle whisper of story.

Given half a chance, I would sit at His feet and listen even now. I’d follow Him through those dusty streets. Stop and ponder in that crowded marketplace. Or lounge on a grass-filled hillside. Prodigal sons and lost coins, rich fools and fig trees, talents and tares — I would cross my legs and sink to the ground, chin on hands, to hear His stories.

So kind of Him to write them down so I can read them at my leisure.

As a writer I am intrigued by the parables of Jesus. Those thirty short anecdotes sprinkled through the first four books of the New Testament are the subject of countless sermons. Yet they are so personal to each of us. In many ways, they are our stories. The rich young ruler walked away from Jesus. At times we’ve turned our back to Him as well. The older brother stayed outside instead of joining the celebration thrown in honor of his prodigal sibling’s return. He symbolizes our self-righteousness.

And that’s the power of story, isn’t it? To see ourselves in the narrative. To squirm and wrestle. To clap and celebrate. Jesus never says, “Oh, by the way, that bit about the prodigal son is really about you and God. Wanted to make sure you caught that.” Instead, He lets us see our reflection in the story. He leaves us to wrestle over which part we play.

The Dictionary of Biblical Imagery explains why the stories of Jesus are so personal and profound:

“Only one of the characters (Lazarus) is named, yet as we encounter the characters of the parables we sense that we have known them already. They are universal types, possessing the traits that we and our acquaintances possess. Never has such immortality been thrust upon anonymity. We do not need to know the name of the woman who first loses and then finds her lost coin: she is every person. The family dynamics of the parables of the prodigal son and the two brothers whose father asks them to work in the vineyards could be observed at any family’s breakfast table… We come to realize that it is in the everyday world of sowing and eating and dealing with family members that people make the great spiritual decisions and that God’s grace works.”

God’s grace works. That is shown through the power of story and that is why He told them. In His simple tales we see grace and holiness in the everyday tasks of life: planting and harvesting, a wedding invitation, baking bread, lighting a lamp, traveling to a distant town. The parables teach us to trust that all those made in the image of God understand the unspoken language of story. He is the Alpha and the Omega, the Beginning and the End, and every time we open His Book He says, “Come, let me tell you a story.”

Dear Lord, You are the beginning and the end of this great narrative called history. Thank You for writing me into the story. Though I play only a small part, may I play it well. May I honor You with my days and my choices and may I truly know that Your grace works. In Jesus’ Name, Amen


Application Steps: Make a list of books that have taught you about the grace of God. Consider giving one as a gift.

Reflections: Do I consider myself an important part of the story God is writing?
In which of Jesus’ parables do I most see myself?
Do any of Jesus’ stories leave me restless or uncomfortable? Why?
In looking at my life as a story, can I see the grace of God at work?

Power Verses: Psalm 107:2-3, “Let the redeemed of the LORD tell their story — those he redeemed from the hand of the foe, those he gathered from the lands, from east and west, from north and south.” (NIV)

Joyful!

I had an amazingly cool day yesterday- My five year old, Abigail Joy asked Jesus into her heart.

She's been rather uneasy about the whole God and heaven thing... I think for a while she thought God couldn't fit into her heart, or that if she asked Him in He'd immediately want her to die. I'm not sure what her thoughts were...

However, yesterday after a long conversation with me and her big sister about heaven, Abigail decided that she wanted to go there with us. She definitely didn't want to go right now! But when the day comes that we are all there, she would rather be with us than not.

She doesn't have a solid grasp on what it means to let Jesus be the leader of her life yet, and I already know she's not thrilled with some of the Bible thoughts she's learned ("Love your neighbor as yourself" is one of those thoughts she's not too keen on right now...); However, it's not about understanding it all. (Thank God, or I wouldn't be doing too hot, 'cuz there's still some pretty major stuff I don't get.)

It makes my heart sing as I think of my Daddy, rejoicing in heaven with the angels as they celebrate her name being written in the Lamb's Book of Life.

Maybe finally coming back?

I have been neglecting my blog.
This makes me sad.

It's been 7 weeks now since my spinal surgery, and I am starting to feel human again. I'm not hurting like I was, and I have more energy.

I want to write. I want to have creative juices flowing. I want to be writing hysterical posts, informative posts, inspirational posts, creative posts! Maybe, just maybe...

I've had two weeks off from school, and I'm looking at my blog and thinking... "Maybe I could take some pics of my new bead & wire-work!"

Hope so....

Bronchitis

I feel incapable of keeping up with anything right now!
I kind of started to feel better after my surgery, then I got a cold, which turned into bronchitis.

When I had my "one-month-after-surgery" appointment, they told me that people frequently get bronchitis or pneumonia after surgery because of the difference in breathing.

I have had the weirdest experience with breathing after this surgery- I don't know whether it's because they had a tube down my throat to make sure I could breathe while they moved my esophagus and everything over, or just a result of ANOTHER surgery... But it's like sometimes I forget to breathe. And I'll be sitting there, and then be like "I need some air!" And then I'll breathe again. Weird.

And I've been coughing after swallowing water or soda- like I forgot how to breathe and drink... Worse after soda of any kind. Don't know why, but it's WEIRD.

So, I'm starting to recover from the bronchitis. We'll see how quickly I'm back up to normal.
Ready for some NORMAL!!!!!

Going to Miss This

‎"You're going to miss this
You're going to want this back
You're going to wish these days
Hadn't gone by so fast
These are some good times
So take a good look around
You may not know it now
But you're going to miss this"
by Trace Adkins

First off, you need to know I DON"T listen to country music. I don't like most of it and the songs I do like tend to be OLD.
However, my cousin shared the lyrics to this song on FB, and it struck me.

As much as I hate not having my own kitchen, living room and dining room-
As much as I long to have my own bathroom to decorate my own way-
As much as I hate cleaning up after my mom and sister-
As crowded as this house is-
As much as I am tired of my mom telling me 'the correct way' to do something-
As loud as this house is with 6 people-
And our finances so tight-
And living in the cold and dark of Alaska-

There will come a day when I look back on this time as precious:
Because of my girls being little & giggly.
Because my mom is right here when I need her.
Because I can leave my girls with my mom to go grocery shopping.
Because I bead with my sister in the evening.

God, help me look at the positive side of living here with my family so tightly squeezed into this house. Help me remember to enjoy what I have before it is gone.

Song of Thanksgiving

A thankful heart, thankful in all things...

Hard to do right now.
With money tight,
and dreams dead,
and families closer than breath.

God, help me see the good things-
the happy smiles,
the full bellies,
the children safe in their beds.

God, you have provided all-
our family home,
our screaming car,
our jobs and friends,
even the dreams in our hearts.

So, on you I will cling-
on you I will call-
To you I will sing.

Beauty from Ashes

Every pearl is simply a victory over irritations.
Max Lucado

Home From Surgery

I'm home!
Wasted tired and on some serious pain meds, but home. =)
So far, I can't really tell if it's made a difference; however, I have noticed that my left hand isn't numb all the time like it was.
My left arm was numb from about my elbow down, and had patches of numb spots on my bicep. I hadn't started dropping things with that hand yet, but I think it would have started soon.
So far, I have gained feeling back in my hand (YAY!) and I'm hoping to see a change in my pain level.

High Stress

Today has been so horribly awfully stressful!

I went to pick up my travel vouchers for our flight to Anchorage, and found out that Jake wasn't approved to travel with me. Our insurance would not pay for him to come, which we were expecting, 'cuz when we had this trip planned in August they were paying for him...

I discovered that all the changes in health care stuff since then boil down to Jake not getting to come til the end of the week. The insurance has agreed to pay for Jake to come get me and take me home, but not to be there when it happens or during my immediate recovery. Is that weird, or what???

So, we've been trying to figure out how to get him down there with me.
And I've been falling apart.

Yes, I know God will be with me, and that technically I will not be alone.
Yes, I can do all things through Christ;
However, I don't think I can fly to Anchorage and go through with this after expecting Jake to go with me...
So, we've been making last minute phone calls and trying to figure it out.

I swear I've felt like I couldn't breathe today...

My long Absence

Next week is my spinal surgery.
I have two ruptured discs in my neck which will be removed, then the surgeon will slap a titanium plate in there.

I'm not sleeping.
I'm reading a crazy amount of books.
And I'm not really feeling terribly creative, either.
So, I expect there will be a hiatus from writing on this here blog.
I HOPE to get back to it when it's all over, and life is normal again.

In addition to the worry and fear, I'm also taking quite a bit of pain killers right now, 'cuz the busted discs squeeze down on my spinal cord and hurt.
So the pain killers are also killing my joy in fun writing.

Fun Day!

I've missed a lot of Fun Days here on Becca's Place...

I'm extremely wickedly busy again. Now that I'm working two jobs, and running my girls to dance, and OT, and piano. Plus making jewelry for CHRISTMAS BAZAARS!

However, I want to keep up with the fun days. =) Sharing what I'm making. So, I'm gonna make it happen.

I made this piece towards the end of the summer. I'm very pleased with the glowing flowers. There is a bit of gold dichroic glass blended in with the red centers. Just lovely.

Crazy Dress Day

A couple weeks ago, the girls had crazy dress day at school. They wanted to participate, but both were very nervous about being over the top and looking bad.
I think we came up with fun costumes for both of them. =)
Abigail ended up desiring a slightly more conservative look, but Deborah looks crazy!

October 1st, First Friday

The Two Sisters (http://2sistersbeadwork.blogspot.com/), Beth & I, will be showing our jewelry at the Morris Thompson Cultural and Visitor's Center (http://www.morristhompsoncenter.org/) this Friday!

We are delighted to be part of the First Friday Art tour here in Fairbanks, and would love to see you there!

My New Job!!!

I have been hired as an "Early Reading Intervention Specialist" at my daughters' school!
Fancy title for a reading tutor. And I'm delighted. =)
I'm working one-on-one with 1st through 3rd graders who are struggling with their basics, like sound recognition and figuring out words.

It means I'm very busy now, though.

I'm still doing the jewelry business, although Farmer's Market has shut down for the winter.
Instead Beth & I are busy busy collecting and finding Christmas Bazaars to show our work.

Also, I'm still doing piece work for Judie Gumm Designs. So, I'm a little overwhelmed, and haven't quite figured out the rhythm. I hope I can balance mommy-hood, jewelry and tutoring.

The big thing I've ended up letting slide is blogging. However, I don't intend for that to be true forever... Just until I can figure everything else out.

School

My girls started the school year with a bang.

Deborah started a week before Abigail, and then when Abigail was supposed to start kindergarten she was SICK. Really sick.

So she didn't start until this week.

At first she was thrilled, but lately she's been begging for me to let her stay home.

When I asked her why, she told me she didn't like having people tell her what to do...

Well, who can blame her. I don't really like people telling me what to do either. However, that's life, you know? You've ALWAYS got someone telling you what to do- your spouse, your boss, the police...

Anyway, poor kid. She's coming home so tired. Just worn out for the new schedule, and the new teachers, and the new kids. And all those people telling her what to do...

WOW.

It has been almost a month since I last posted.
I admit it.
I have been OVERWHELMED by life.

The last month of Farmer's Market always gets crazy- we start getting people who have special repair jobs, and special orders. School starts and I am dealing with little ones all the time...
Also, this year I've started the PT work for Judie Gumm Designs http://www.judiegumm.com/
Since my surgery got post-poned, I've been in a lot of pain which makes life more difficult.

I've been too busy to READ, and that's too busy.

I'm hoping to get started regularly posting again. That shall be my goal. To post at least once a week, and preferably twice a week.

I like to have regular topics- books, my jewelry, what's going on...